She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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