So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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