we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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