so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
