Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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