i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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