Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
