i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
