And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
