Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize