oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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