you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
