Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
