Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
