some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
