Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
