hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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