Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
