Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
