remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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