im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
