My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize