I want to have your abortion
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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