my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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