i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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