dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
