I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
