We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
