I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
