I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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