oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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