What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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