Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
