haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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