btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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