i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
