halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize