I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Barsexuality is the new black.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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