do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
