YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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