I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
