I don't usually arrange sex via text message
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
