After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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