I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize