just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
