my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
