Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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