Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
