Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
