So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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