I CAN MOONWALK!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My balls are so social today.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
