and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
