it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
