I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
