can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
