so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
