You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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