i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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