He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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