Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
