I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
