had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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