Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
