remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
