he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
