I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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