I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my being single is dangerous.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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