there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
