God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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