he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
