I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
