I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
