Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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