The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
