And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
