OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
