Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
