I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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