does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
