That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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